I've got a long name that I really love, but people call me Cza for convenience. I am a creative in mind and heart who values happiness and love above anything else in the world. Learning life's lessons and desiring to transmit them to others in the future. Avid pen collector. Joy seeker. Building values and friendships that would last.Please take time to visit my website and read about the things I like.
I love to encourage and empower. Feel free to ask me anything -- in search of some advice, a hopeful statement, or maybe an unlikely friend.
…because I couldn’t post this elsewhere. Twitter would cause the message to be fragmented, and my blog just doesn’t seem appropriate.
The problem with you is, I knew you since childhood. You had been the guy who always threw temper tantrums. Yet we were close. On the outside, I see you as someone who is immature despite being a year older than I am (not that I consider myself completely mature, either, emotionally and intellectually), but somewhere deep down I seem to know you are someone I can trust. Someone who could at least keep my secrets and help me rationalize my feelings and thoughts. At times it seemed as if you were the only person who truly wanted to get to know me, or who I’ve become after these changes I’ve gone through. You actually appreciate me for what I am today though I’ve never bothered to tell you the whole story — for fear, perhaps, that your opinion of me might change. Or that you may not be interested in things beyond the superficial. Something deep inside tells me you could be better, yet I keep judging you for (still) seemingly liking the things I did when I was 13 and had outgrown since, asking me questions about other girls, not knowing how to drive, and so many other things. I know you could be different, I just don’t ever give you the chance to prove it to me for fear, perhaps, of being wrong again.
After having what seemed like a panic attack yesterday on the train station, getting disoriented on the platform, and calling my parents for help, I figured I may be too stressed out due to a compounding of factors, and realized this was no way to live.
Instead of focusing on the negatives I must dwell on the bright side of things — thank God for positive occurrences and rid myself of the habit of stressing over the distant future.
I know it takes time to change when you’re so used to doing something you think it’s normal when in truth it is not, but you must begin to challenge yourself. Believe, for once. Become your optimistic self again.
Relax. Take it easy. Appreciate the world around you.
Be grateful. Have faith.
Live. Love. Don’t expect, but HOPE.
Know that certain things you often take for granted might be the key to your future happiness. Just don’t break down easily when challenged.
Have the will to do things and the confidence to succeed.
Smile more. Find reasons to do so.
I just got back from the university of Far Far Away (I call it that because it is several km away from my house) as I had to drop a few materials and I’m feeling just a little bit disoriented right now but I’m guessing that’s just because I am kind of tired, it’s been a long journey, it was hot outside (no, it was scorching), among many factors. I’ve got my fingers crossed that it has nothing to do with refeeding, and speaking of refeeding I spent a whole hour on my butt dinnertime wolfing down a meal of mung bean stew with fish in it followed by a couple bowls of mung bean stew with milk, green mango and a banana. I don’t even want to think about how many calories that was because I know it may have been well over 800 but I’m just thinking about putting on muscle and hopefully crossing the 46 kg mark because apparently, I have hit 44 and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. YET. I know I just have to be patient, it’ll take some time, so wait I will.
On a different subject: I’m looking for some awesome 30s songs to bombard my ears with. Instrumental, if you please. Any suggestions?
Ah, and btw: 2 days ‘til my 18th! Ahhh. Legal finally!
It’s really hard to tell, honestly.
Lots of love go out to the LGBT community from me (having a gay friend, myself) but of course I know what I like and I can’t have just anything, gotta be fair to myself as well!
Tomorrow, it officially begins (medically, yes).
I’m getting a checkup tomorrow. Just one of the free ones they offer at school. I’m not going to tell my parents yet, but I will inform my mom soon. For support.
AND I’M NOT GOING TO LET UP ON THE OPPORTUNITY.
but this will change soon.
If it’s for the better, then why not take the risk and turn the pain into something positive for myself?
If it helps me live fuller, why not make the sacrifice and do whatever works best?